I want to share some of my processing on this question. As per usual, I hope it will help get the wheels turning for you on this topic.

It’s easy to forget sometimes but I have to remind myself: Communication is bi-directional.  You’re giving and receiving continuous feedback in both directions at all times.  You produce sounds (or text) that turn into language that enter someone else’s thoughts then someone processes their thoughts on how they receive that language and they produce sounds that turn into language that turn into thoughts that now have to be processed with the layer of the previous exchange of sounds, language and thoughts.  

I hope you get the gist:  When you really start to think about the actual operation of communication in its entirety, there’s A LOT of data points going back and forth when communicating.  

Let’s think about it in terms of sound frequencies (vibrations) that travel through the air.  

Sometimes those communication frequencies between two people are very in-sync and line up in a harmonious way that is pleasant to experience (e.g. my nesting partner and I communicate at a compatible frequency and therefore communication comes easy between us). Sometimes those two frequencies come together and create a noticeable imbalance (or a frequency “beat” if you want to get nerdy). That imbalance can be a very unpleasant thing to experience.

On average, a human can hear a range of about 20,000 different frequencies when measured by Hertz (20Hz to 20,000Hz give or take). Much like the large human audible range, the range of communication compatibilities is ENORMOUS. That’s because there is so many variables.  That means to be a perfect communicator, YOU have to have the skills to be able to dial in precisely to each person’s frequency.  I honestly don’t even know if that’s possible.  Even professionals where it’s a big part of their job to figure out how to get through to other humans (e.g. therapists) can’t dial into everyone’s frequency just right.  That’s why a therapist can be highly regarded by some and seen as awful by others.  This is why it’s important to remember that communication compatibility is important in all aspects of our life.  Not just your romantic relationships.

Here’s the thing about me: I can talk about anything and everything.  I can spill my guts, express difficult concerns, set expectations that I know might be hard to hear.  I can check in regularly about my feelings.  I can be very forward and transparent.  I can share all my wants and needs.

IF

The person I’m communicating with and myself have frequencies that vibe. 

If the person I’m communicating with and myself don’t have frequencies that vibe, then I struggle with communicating some or all those things.  It can cause my brain to shut down and malfunction.  

Folks who operate at a similar frequency as myself might think I’m an excellent communicator.  For example, they might appreciate forwardness above all else.  On the flip side, someone who communicates at a different frequency might find that forwardness isn’t always compassionate.  They also might find my level of communication is exhausting and too much.  All of a sudden my communication skills don’t feel so great.

Because I’m neurodiverse and easily overstimulated, I prefer non/low emotional dialog.  I like to communicate calmly and with an even tone.  I want either party to be able to take a step back from the dialog if they are having strong emotions so they have time to process. That’s not a format of communication where everyone feels comfortable.  Some people may feel like it’s impossible to communicate hard things without leaning into their emotions and that’s 100% valid (any maybe even more normal).  To some people, I might just seem like some kind of robot completely void of emotions.

It’s not because the other people have sub-par communication and my communication is superior or vice versa. I’m just me and they are just them.  They may be great at expressing the core fundamentals of communicating effectively (sharing feelings, setting expectations, expressing wants/needs, etc.) .  It’s not just “what” they’re expressing when evaluating compatibility in communication but it’s also “when” and “how”, too.  Let’s take a quick look at how the “when” and “how” can add so many layers to the “what”:

When:  Have you ever said something at a very wrong time?  I sure have. Maybe it was the right time for me but wrong for the person who was hearing it. Maybe it’s important to have certain communication on a full stomach so you aren’t hangry.  Maybe it’s important that you don’t hear about a new crush right after a long day of exhausting work.  Sometimes people want to talk things out immediately and sometimes people want to sit in their feelings for a bit to process so there may be a different sense of urgency.

How: The method can include your tone, your volume and your expressions.  It can also include different modalities of communication like text, email, face-to-face or over the phone.  Some of you will say “text please” for hard convos and some will say “face-to-face please”.  It doesn’t mean one is better, it just means you simply have different preferences.  Sometimes, to the detriment of my fellow neurodiverse folks, even passive aggressive communication works for some people.  It can feel playful and fun and be effective for those two people.

Again: So. Many. Variables.

I’ve come a long way in my communication from where I started.  The version of me 10 years ago didn’t even have the core elements of communication down.  I was a bottler and I’d just bottle everything up.  It was miserable to myself and miserable to my loved ones as well.  So yeah, I’m a better communicator than I used to be but I want to keep developing those skills even more. All the work I’ve done on communication has given me some very happy and healthy relationships.  Not ONLY because I worked on my communication but also because I’ve found people who communicate at a compatible frequency.

While you strive to be a better communicator, don’t strive for perfection.  It’s just not achievable.  Keep trying to grow and expand your communication skills, because growth in that area of your life will serve you well.  You’ll be able to dial into more frequencies than just your own.  Just don’t be too hard on yourself if your method of communication doesn’t work for every single person you come across.  It just won’t.  Seek out some level of compatibility of frequencies to have a sense of harmony in your relationships.  Just know that no matter how good you think you get at communicating, you’re not the only person in that equation.

If you want a good quick and dirty 101 on sound frequencies check out this short video .

The post The Complexities Of Compatibility In Communication appeared first on Trying To Thrive.

I did.  I know many of you did.  But why?????

Well, we might have found ourselves stuck in the:

Sunk Cost Fallacy

Before I dive into the Sunk Cost Fallacy I want you to know this: My blog posts are intentionally short and are designed to get your wheels turning. There is no way I can cover all the “What if” scenarios on this topic. Please don’t make a huge decision about your relationships solely because of this one blog post from a random person on the internet. Let this post be an opportunity for you to learn and consider a new perspective and give you something to think about.

As usual with my blog posts, let’s start with a definition of the Sunk Cost Fallacy:

Individuals commit the sunk cost fallacy when they continue a behavior or endeavor as a result of previously invested resources (time, money or effort) (Arkes & Blumer, 1985). This fallacy, which is related to loss aversion and status quo bias, can also be viewed as bias resulting from an ongoing commitment. – behavioraleconomics.com

While this fallacy is applied primarily to financial investments, it’s not exclusive to that.  However, let’s start with the financial lens first:

Have you ever watched a show like Shark Tank or Dragons’ Den where people come to investors to acquire money and help them grow their business?  If so, you’ll see the Sunk Cost Fallacy at play all the time.  Someone who is trying to keep their business going will sell everything they own, take a loan against their house, and borrow from anyone who will loan them money.  All because they think their business idea or product is going to be the next big thing, and they think they are just one more loan or business contact away from making it happen.  Here’s the thing: Many of them are already many years into their endeavor by the time they come onto that show.  Sometimes even over a decade of pursuing their business with a loss year after year.  Despite all the VERY clear data that their business wasn’t working, they continued to stick with it and continued to not succeed.  They just continued to lose more and more money every single year.

So why have these people continued their business despite experiencing a continued loss year after year?  Why do they ignore all the data and evidence that’s right in front of them that their business is failing?  It’s the Sunk Cost Fallacy.  They have invested SO MUCH time, energy and money into their business that they feel like giving up is not even an option.  They feel like they HAVE to make it work because they’ve put so much into it.  So they continue on way longer than they should have in the first place.

Someone from the outside without the emotional connection can easily see that stopping at any point before now would mean they would have experienced less loss altogether.  Usually the “Shark” or “Dragon” will tell the entrepreneur to “Please, stop.  Please stop before you keep digging this hole deeper and deeper.”  

The Sunk Cost Fallacy is not just a human trait, it’s an emotional trait and it’s found in many animals that have more sophisticated emotional characteristics (mice, rats, dogs, primates, etc). 

The good news is that if you’re experiencing a Sunk Cost dilemma in your relationship(s), you’re probably not a psychopath.  It means you’re probably in that place because you’re trying to make a decision about the future of your relationship using your emotions and not using pure logic and facts.  That’s why when you see a friend in a really bad situation, it’s so easy for you to come to the conclusion that they should leave that situation.  You can come to that decision easily because you observe the facts objectively and without your emotions.  However, if you put yourself in the same spot as your friend and now there’s love, moments of happiness, fond memories, and time invested–all of a sudden it feels a lot harder to leave.  This is just another anecdote for the saying: Love is blind.

When you’re trying to determine if you should step away from a relationship, try to not let the Sunk Cost Fallacy cloud your judgement.  How much time and energy you’ve invested in someone shouldn’t be a primary factor considered in that decision.  Mostly because people change and grow all the time.  Humans are fluid, complex and extremely dynamic.  Maybe they were a good match for the version of you 10 years ago but aren’t a good match for the version of you today.  Maybe you have outgrown your partner or you two just grew in different directions.

Here are some questions/thoughts to try and hack the Sunk Cost Fallacy: 

• If you met this person right now, for the first time and there was no history at all, would you choose to be with them?  If you didn’t know them and saw them on a dating site, would something on their profile be a flag for incompatibility?
  
  
• Think about what advice you’d give to a friend who was in the exact same situation you are facing.  What would you tell them if you were being objective?
  
  
• What are the facts at hand showing you?  What does the data look like?  What story has the patterns of this person’s behavior been trying to tell you?
  
  
• Is the only reason you’re still with them because of the time you’ve invested and nothing else?  
  
  
• Would you feel happy/relieved if this person broke up with you?
  
  
• Do you find yourself feeling way more unhappy with this person than happy?

I’m going to switch it up a little here because I want to remind you of something important: Sometimes our partners do things that are unattractive.  Sometimes they go through things that need patience from us (e.g. mental health issues).  Sometimes they do things that make us unhappy or make decisions that we don’t agree with.  That’s all a normal part of relationships, and no relationship is perfect.  You can actually use the Sunk Cost Fallacy to your advantage in these situations to help you work through those things with your partner.   As long as you’re actually getting through them and observing some sort of progress.

Lastly, because many of us were taught that you must stay with someone for your entire life, Uncle Iroh wants to remind you of something really important:

HUGE Disclaimer: I’m a 30-something childless cis white male with my own bank account and a job where I can support myself.  I have the luxury and privilege to not have to ask myself if I “can” leave someone.  Determining if you “can” is a huge part of this equation that I’m not covering in this blog post.  If you know you need to leave but don’t know how you can, please know there are some resources.  When looking into these resources, keep in mind that abuse isn’t always physical or gender specific: https://www.thehotline.org/ National Domestic Violence Hotline.

If you want to learn more about Sunk Cost Fallacy, check out this perfectly nerdy podcast episode:

The post Why Are You Staying In That Relationship? appeared first on Trying To Thrive.

Wait. What do you mean by partners? Work partners, business partners, class project partners, dance partners, life partners, etc.  There’s  many kinds of partners!

 Partner only has 2 definitions in the dictionary:

noun

1. either of a pair of people engaged together in the same activity.
   “arrange the children in pairs so that each person has a partner”
2. either member of a married couple or of an established unmarried couple.
   “she lived with her partner”

Definition 1 leaves A LOT of gray areas for us to fill in the blanks.  Definition 2 was built for monogamy. What is it that even makes someone established and/or coupled?  Time? Shared assets? Having sex? Future plans?

I was doing some mental processing of my relationships as I tried to explain to someone who asked me how many partners I had.  I was thinking about how my definition of relationships and partners has evolved over time.  Frankly, I sometimes have trouble defining what makes a partner a partner even in my own little orbit of special connections.  It’s a label with many meanings that fluctuate from person to person.  So, if it’s such an indefinable term, why do we use the word “partner” like everyone has the same definition?

I remember meeting other polyam folks early in my polyam journey and asking how many partners they had before I even knew how they defined “partner”.  I knew what my definition of partner was because it was clear to me how I defined a partner.  Sometimes people were flustered by the question “How many partners do you have?” or just responded with  “I don’t really know.”  I was like “OMG HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW!!” Or, if it was more than what I considered a reasonable amount I was like:   

At that point in my journey I poured SO MUCH of myself into a single connection, I couldn’t fathom having more than 2 or 3 “partners”.  So I’d project that onto the person I asked and… I’m very ashamed to admit this…  I’d subconsciously define their connections as not very intimate or lesser than what I thought a partner should be.  . 

I was ignorant and I’m owning up to that.  As I have become more comfortable with my own weird* version of RA (Relationship Anarchy), where I try not to define my connections too much, I realized I don’t even really know how to define “Partner” anymore.  I’m that person that I unfairly judged early on in my journey.

_{*My Weird Version of RA: Trying to live outside the societal constructs of relationships with a logical/analytical brain that still tries to label and categorize everything.} 

I now have a different framework for how I view partners and I wanted to share it for people who might be newer to polyam or not familiar with Relationship Anarchy (RA) so they don’t make the same mistakes I did.  Let me be very clear: This is NOT a unique framework and it’s one that’s already shared by so many.   I know some of you are probably reading this and are like

As usual with my blog posts, I just hope to give one person a different perspective.  Just one person.

Keep this in mind: When you ask someone how many “partners” they have, their definition of partners might be VERY different from yours.  You might not even be in the same ballpark with your definitions.

Let’s say someone has 10 special people in their life who may or may not fall into their category of “partners”.  If a person includes comets, planets, flirtationships, close connections, nesting partners, FWB, etc then 10 isn’t that extreme of a number.   All these connections likely have extremely varying levels of intimacy all over the spectrum, but all still be very important to that person. That person may talk to some of these “partners” daily and others every couple of weeks (or sometimes even less).  They might only be having a physical relationship with a few of them (or none of them), but all of them are people in their life that they have some sort of romantic connection with, adore and love.

Let me paint this picture for you:  I have a best friend of 10+ years.  We connect almost everyday and he’s one of the small handful of people I talk to with that frequency.  I brag about his talents to anyone who will listen like we’re married.   We love one another and tell each other that often.  Our connection isn’t romantic and we don’t have sex but he holds a place in my heart alongside other people I have romantic connections with.  If I had 10 connections, like the one I do with my best friend, would you have the same response to me saying I had 10 “partners”? 

In summary, you probably wouldn’t be taken aback if someone has 10 super close friends.  Don’t be taken aback if someone says they have 10 partners.  

What are you really asking someone when you ask how many partners they have? 

Are you asking them how many people they are having sex with?  

Are you asking to see if you might be able to fit in there somewhere?  

Are you asking them how many people they love?

So ask yourself, what are you REALLY asking when you ask someone how many partners they have?

The post Ok, But What Even Is A Partner? appeared first on Trying To Thrive.

Since humans have thrived for thousands of years because of our social traits, our brain rewards us with drugs (dopamine, serotonin and endorphins) when we make connections with other humans.  Especially when we share some core values, like how Billy the Blue Ranger was a super amazing underdog in both the show and IRL.

Now you’re an adult and life is way more complex.  You’re more complex.  Your circumstances are more complex.  Your brain doesn’t care, though.  It continues to give us those drugs when we make a connection and we find a base level of compatibility.  I do that when I make a new friend who likes board games. I’m like “Hell YA! Game NIGHTS! Whoop!”  For all I know, that person could be a real-life Dexter. When you go beyond friends, add the extra layers of  physical attractions, pheromones, and/or that intense intellectual chemistry then your brain is like…

Here’s the first problem:  Your brain doesn’t always identify compatibility before it starts releasing those drugs.  You connect with someone and all the sudden you’re standing in a dense forest of NRE (New Relationship Energy) and you can only see a few feet in front of you at any given moment.  You’re just holding on to the thought of your very next interaction with that person and walking aimlessly with no real direction or thoughts about long-term compatibility.

The second problem: Compatibility has an exorbitant amount of facets that can take time to unravel and reveal themselves.  It can include your:

• Mental health
• Love/Apology languages
• Relationship structures
• Communication styles/patterns
• Geographical location
• Availability/Scheduling
• Core values
• Expectations
• Familial structures
• Life plans/goals
• etc.

Conversely, we may be able to identify some possible incompatibilities right away, but our brain is so quick to give us that NRE that we might underestimate them. Where I’ve personally messed up (more than once) is starting relationships with enthusiasm, optimism and copious amounts of NRE, only to pull away due to some compatibility roadblock that was present since day one.  The problem is, my NRE brain said “I can make it work! I got this!  You just sit back and enjoy all these drugs I’m giving you.”

While a lot of compatibility can be negotiated and worked through with some solid communication, some things may be deal breakers for you.  If you know what those deal breakers are but don’t communicate them on the front end, it can be devastating to the other person.  There can be countless examples but I’ll share one in particular I have struggled with in the past:  Long distance.  I have a pattern of starting out long distance connections optimistic that I can make them work.  I’m ready to buy plane tickets and get the first meeting out of the way!  I might make it through a couple of visits but eventually the NRE settles down and reality starts to set in.  I’m a homebody and an introvert so planning long weekends with one person regularly is stressful.  Not to mention my primary love language is physical touch and nobody has invented a teleporter for impromptu cuddles (yet). 

When I’m no longer running on a full dose of the NRE drugs, I start to pull back and feel disconnected. I can end up hurting the other person in the process when pulling back.  My NRE brain has tricked me into thinking I could make it work, when in reality, I couldn’t sustain it long-term.  Or at least not at the same level I started out with.

Going through the motions of getting to know someone and making decisions about your compatibility is a natural part of developing relationships of all styles. Sometimes certain compatibility concerns can be revealed over time during your interactions with that person and that’s ok!  When those incompatibilities come up, you should stop, have a conversation about your observations and decide if that’s a reason to shift expectations.  You don’t have to have everything sorted out on the front end (although I sometimes wish we could just download eachothers’ brains into our own brain).

I don’t want to be too hard on the NRE brain as it has a purpose and is useful.  After all, it’s contributed greatly to the survival of our species for all these years.  It’s designed to help you overcome obstacles when connecting with people (think of our friends The Proclaimers).  NRE should be understood enough to be a part of the whole equation when making complex decisions about compatibility in a relationship.

I’m currently doing work on this and trying to find a balance between allowing myself to feel the excitement of NRE without letting it cloud my perception of compatibility.  The more I can understand it, the better I can manage it and the better I can set expectations for those around me.  My main objective isn’t to try and go down a long list of compatibility measures to find a reason not to date someone (let’s be real, us overthinkers can ALWAYS find something).  My objective is to learn to be honest with myself, in spite of the NRE, so I can be honest to people I’m connecting with. 

I hope by sharing my thoughts on it, you’ll be able to understand how NRE can distort your perception of compatibility and help you from making some of the mistakes that I have.  

The post Finding Compatibility In The Dense Forest of NRE appeared first on Trying To Thrive.

Click here for text version of list.

The post The Pros and Cons of Polyamory – Version 1 appeared first on Trying To Thrive.

Story Time!

It’s 11PM and the lights are off. Taylor is laying in bed next to her partner Jordan. Taylor lays there with nothing but the darkness of night and her own thoughts. Taylor rubs her own shoulders and neck hoping to dissolve away the pain from the day. Taylor didn’t do anything different today than she does any other day to cause the soreness. The self massage is part of the normal nightly routine for her. See, Taylor happens to live in a box where the ceilings stand at 5 1/2 feet tall yet Taylor is 5’ 11”.  A whole 5 inches taller than the ceiling. Her partner Jordan is 5’ 4” and doesn’t understand why she gripes so much about her neck and shoulders. What’s interesting is that about half of the people she knows don’t quite fit in their boxes. Some only have to slouch mildly to get around and others, like Jordan, walk freely around the boxes with hardly any thought of how low the ceilings are. Taylor thinks short ceilings in a box is normal because she grew up being told that everyone’s box is short and that’s just the way it is. Taylor had this nagging feeling that she wasn’t meant to be in this box but, again, everyone around her told her it was normal. Taylor has been there so long that she has resigned herself to this just being how life is. A perpetual existence in a place that she didn’t quite fit. Taylor feels like her very basic needs are being met so she should just be happy and appreciative for having her very own box. Taylor closes her eyes and starts to fall asleep as the dull ache fades.

Taylor opens her eyes to a new day. She stretches as far as her body will allow knowing that being horizontal is the only way she can stretch her whole body at once. She reaches over to put her hand on Jordan to feel his presence but he has already gone to another part of the box. Taylor stumbles out of bed and keeps her head low. She makes her way to the bathroom and sits down on the toilet. She rolls her head around her neck several times taking in the small moment of the day where she is relieved from the slouching caused by the low ceilings of her box. Just as she finishes up her morning routine, she hears her phone buzz from the next room over. Taylor wonders who in the world would be calling her this early. The doors being even shorter than the ceiling plus her morning muscles cause her to stumble through the door and fall on her knees. All she can think is “Why are the doors so small????”  She thinks about such things regularly but never really actually tries to answer her own questions.  That’s just the way life is.

She picks up her phone from her nightstand and sees it’s her little brother Nick. Hardly little, Nick is 6’ 1” and much like Taylor is considered a giant in a society where their boxes were built for others but not for them. Nick still lives at home and hasn’t been able to get his own box to live in yet. He’s anxious to get his own box and has been doing a ton of research. He tells Taylor that while doing research he found that boxes exist with 8’ ceilings. He told her that people actually live in these boxes and it’s the real deal. He can’t contain his excitement and Taylor can feel his smile through the phone. Taylor laughs almost feeling embarrassed for his naivety.  She tells him it’s probably a scam and to not get his hopes up.  She’s never heard of such a thing and feels like there’s no way that actually exists.  Surely she would have heard of it if it did.  She tells him even if it does, it’s not how people live.  She could feel Nick’s smile fade through the phone.  She can tell he feels defeated but she really didn’t want him to get hopes up.   She tells him she has to start her day and ends the call.

Taylor sits down on the bed staring at the wall.  Minutes pass as she just continues to stare blankly at the wall. She thinks to herself “That has to be a scam, right? Nobody actually lives in a box with 8 foot ceilings.” She’s almost in shock.  She picks up her phone and calls her friend Alex. She apologizes for calling so early and tells Alex about her conversation with Nick.  Taylor is looking for Alex to confirm that no such box exists and that it’s just a scam.  Alex is barely 5’ and the thought of 8’ ceilings in a box seems unreal to her. Alex tells Taylor that humans aren’t meant to live in boxes with 8’ ceilings. Alex whispers to Taylor, almost as if she’s afraid someone might hear, “It’s just wrong and unnatural.” Taylor asks Alex what makes her say that. Alex simply says “That’s just the way it is and it’s been that way for a long time.”

It’s several days later and Taylor can’t stop thinking about boxes that have 8’ ceilings. She’s laying in bed rubbing her neck and shoulders. Tall ceilings are consuming her every waking thought and have even been creeping into her dreams. Her life would just make a lot more sense in a box with 8’ ceilings. Is she selfish? Lots of other people are living with short ceilings just fine. If half the people out there don’t fit under the current 5 1/2 foot ceilings then why is everyone living in boxes with 5 1/2 foot ceilings? Is there a logical reason? A biological reason? She has so many questions. Is she just weird and broken for thinking that her life would be better living in a box that she actually fits in? 

She turns to Jordan, ready to talk about what’s been on her mind. She’s terrified of his reaction after talking to Alex and being treated like there was something seriously wrong with her. She takes a deep breath and nervously blurts out the question. She asks Jordan how he would feel about maybe looking into getting a box with 8’ ceilings. Jordan is immediately defensive. “Are you not happy?” he asks. “Is our box not good enough for you?” he chides. He can’t fathom wanting taller ceilings when he’s perfectly happy. Taylor just kind of laughs to play it off as a joke. She told him Nick told her about boxes with taller ceilings but it’s probably just a scam and she’s never even seen such a thing.  Taylor lays her head on the pillow staring at the same wall she lost herself in after talking to Nick.  She’s beating herself up for even considering it. She feels incredibly selfish and embarrassed that she even brought it up. She is convinced that something is wrong with her and she’s actually just broken. 

Taylor spends the rest of her life only being able to imagine what it would be like to live inside a box that she fit in.  She doesn’t fully understand why she can’t.  All she knows is that society says she’s not supposed to live in that box.  She tries to rationalize it by trying to figure out why society says she can’t live in that box.  She never finds her answer. She never understands.  She grows old and dies in the box that doesn’t fit.

I know that wasn’t an ideal ending.  It’s actually kind of sad, right? 

This is how it can go for a lot of people who learn about polyamory and want to explore it (or replace polyamory with anything society deems wrong with no explanation).  I truly believe some people can be genuinely happy in a monogamous relationship.  It’s just the way their brain is wired.  The same way Taylor’s DNA decided her height.  Some people are perfectly content with exploring a single close intimate connection while others crave a deep-romantic-meaningful connection with more than one person. Sadly, society has only given the stamp of approval for the monogamy box.  Anything that deviates from monogamy is considered sinful and should not exist.

I wrote this for anyone who has learned that polyamory was a thing but felt stuck by a partner, friends, career, family or just society in general.  I know when I first learned about polyamory it seemed 100% unobtainable.  Much like Taylor, my mind was completely blown when I learned about this thing I never knew existed.  I learned about polyamory and then I sat on it for several months before bringing it up to my partner at the time.  It was scary and I beat myself up a lot.  To be who I am and be polyamorous I had to fight for it because it was something I wanted.  I lost people, I got hurt and I hurt others.  I had to make a lot of hard decisions but I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to live in a box that doesn’t feel right for you.  It’s hard and scary to leave the only box you’ve known for so long but the feeling of living an authentic life is like no other.

The post The Box That Doesn’t Fit appeared first on Trying To Thrive.