Dear Person I Care About Very Much,
This letter was sent to you because I need to tell you something that’s very scary to share. While these aren’t my words, this is still very much my truth. Please read this all the way through and reserve judgement until you fully understand what I’m trying to say to you. There are so many misconceptions out there about what this really is so I need you to open your mind and think outside of the box for me.
I’m polyamorous.
This means I don’t subscribe to monogamy for the relationships I’m in.
This means I’ve made a conscious decision to not limit my love and relationships to only one person for the rest of my life. Everything I do, I do it ethically and with other consenting adults.
This means I will date multiple people at the same time.
If your immediate reaction when you hear that is not one of judgement but of understanding and support, thank you ssssooooo much. Read the rest of this if you wish, but that’s all I wanted from you. I just want you to accept me for who I am and not see me differently.
If the thought of this truth made you uneasy at all, then I ask that you take just a few more minutes of your life to finish reading this. Your understanding and acceptance is important enough to me for me to open up about this. So, please read this. It would mean the world to me.
I could have attempted to hide this from you but I’m trying to live a life of authenticity. Hiding in the shadows is exhausting and I respect you enough to not want to lie or keep things from you. I needed to share my truth with you because I value you as a person in my life. I hope you value me enough as a person to respect me for how I’m choosing to live my life. First of all, let me clear up a few of the large misconceptions about polyamory.
1) This isn’t just about sex. It’s not constant orgies or sex addiction. It’s not a revolving door of lovers. This is about not limiting my capacity to love people and it’s about giving myself permission to ethically have deep and intimate relationships with more than one person. I have so much love and I’m consciously choosing not to cage that.
2) This is not polygamy. Polygamy is the practice of a man having many wives. That is a patriarchal concept that suppresses the freedom of women. A big part of my desire for polyamory is letting myself and my partners have the autonomy to choose what’s best for them in this lifetime. So no Sister Wives reality TV over here.
3) There is zero evidence that the practice of polyamory is a bad model for raising children. In fact, I want you to imagine a scenario where you had multiple adult figures in your life who practiced open and honest communication and expressed love and compassion for one another. In no world is that a negative thing.
4) This is not cheating. Everyone involved currently and in the future will have the freedom to either choose this relationship structure or not. It’s the exact opposite of cheating; it’s practicing radical honesty.
5) This is not a phase. Relationships can ebb and flow and sometimes I might be dating one person but sometimes I might be dating 3. I’ve given this a lot of thought and this is part of who I am and I’m tired of trying to fight it so I can live in a box of monogamy. That box is comfortable for some but it’s not the box for everyone. It’s definitely not the box for me.
Look, I know polyamory is different. Different can be scary and I completely understand that. Different doesn’t mean it’s wrong, though. Please don’t let the discomfort of something you don’t understand affect how you see me. I’m very much the same person and who I am at my core has not changed. In a lot of ways, exploring polyamory has only made me a better person in a lot of different ways. I’m learning to communicate better, I’m learning to manage my emotions better and I’m becoming much more self aware. I’m learning how to express my wants and needs in a constructive way. I’m learning to set boundaries with people for my own sanity. Those are all things I need to be able to be successful in my journey through polyamory. The only downside to this whole thing is that there is an unfortunate stigma in our society surrounding this. There will be people who cast me out because of this and I’m prepared for that, but it’s my hope that you are not one of those people. I want you in my corner and that’s why I’ve sent you this letter.
Please know that I’m here to answer any questions you have about this. This is something very important to me and I think the more you understand the less scary it will be for you to accept. You know how I said I’m learning how to set boundaries? I need to set a boundary with you and ask that you don’t try to change my mind about this. You can’t change my mind and it will only hurt both you and me so don’t do it.
Thank you for taking some time to read this. I hope that you accept me and continue to be someone in my life.
Sincerely,
Someone Who Cares About You Very Much
Sometimes articulating thoughts can be hard. I’ve made this to help. Share this link with someone you want to come out to. Or copy and paste it to make changes. I’m sharing this with all of you to use as you see fit.
