I know my blog went quiet for a few months. I didn’t want to take up space with my blog at a time when there are so many bigger things happening in our country. My thoughts on polyamory felt miniscule compared to all that was going on. I could sit here and tell you that Black Live Matter and if you say All Live Matter then GTFO because you’re on the wrong side of history (ok, I kind of just did). What I think could have a bigger impact and still be related to the topic of my blog is bringing up the fact that it’s messed up how disproportionality white the polyamory community is. It’s sad how POC in the community are sexualized or easily discarded and overlooked. Anybody that spends any amount of time in facebook polyam groups knows that POC who post don’t get the same quality or quantity of attention as others. The ones who do manage to become a regular part of those communities have to work harder to be seen as an equal. What I can ask is that you just be conscious of it. Next time you see a POC post something in those groups, give them a like and say hi. Show them they are welcomed just as you do anybody else. If your reaction to me asking you to do this is “I don’t see color.” then you do, in fact, see color and choose to ignore it. You need to see color so you can make changes in how you interact with the world. I’m going to work on that myself and be conscious of it so I’m asking you to do the same. Please and thank you.
I want to use this space to elevate the voices of others in the community who are doing great work and having different experiences than myself. For my first community spotlight I want to introduce everyone to the amazing Lavitaloca Sawyers.
Sure, she’s a POC and yes I’m choosing to consciously highlight someone that is a POC in a time where their voices need to be elevated more than ever. However, that doesn’t mean she’s not deserving of being highlighted under ordinary circumstances. She deserves to be known for all the mental and emotional energy she puts towards our community. You may not recognize the name but surely you have seen one of her daily Polyamory Reminders floating around:
I am someone who thinks about Polyamory a lot (hence the blog). I don’t meet many people who think about it as much as I do. I wouldn’t say it consumes my every thought but it’s always present and I’d venture to guess that it’s similar for her. She’s clearly just as much a nerd about it as I am and so I had to go follow her. After seeing a couple of her Polyamory Reminders I looked her up and found that she has some blog posts on https://medium.com/@evitalavitalocasawyers.
While her blogs are excellent reads and you should definitely check them out, there’s something pretty amazing and special about her Polyamory Reminders. They are extremely well thought out and encourage thought without giving you a firehose of information (like maybe I do sometimes?). Every single one gives me pause and I at least go “Ok, yeah. She’s right.” Sometimes they make me want to jump up and be like “Hell yeah! Preach!” because there is so much power in so few words with these treasures. I’ve see them shared across my feed on the regular. The best part? Her words are valuable and she’s just handing them out to everyone for free. To us. To our community.
Sometimes I wonder if she ever wakes up in the middle of the night with a great idea for one of these reminders and then promptly falls back asleep and can’t remember what it was the next morning. I do that with my blog sometimes and it’s infinitely frustrating. (She’s confirmed that she does in fact do this but usually does write it down lol)
Ok, back to listing more reasons why she is awesome: I feel she deserves some recognition because I can tell that she’s sharing her mind for the right reasons. She genuinely wants to help people and she doesn’t just want clout or to make herself rich. She even offers coaching services at a ridiculously low price (really though, you should charge more) to help people on their journey through non-monogamy. She’s clearly putting tons of energy out into the polyamory community to help guide people for the sake of humanity and I adore that about her.
Something else that is really special and unique about Lavitaloca is that she admits that in the beginning of her journey she struggled a lot with the idea of polyamory. She started in a place of uncertainty and surrounded by insecurity. Now, over the course of her 6ish years on this journey of polyamory she has come to a place where she now advocates and educates the community. The only way that could be possible is if she pushed herself to do a lot of growth necessary to navigate polyamory in a thoughtful way. She fought her own demons to get where she is today and now she’s out there helping people fight theirs. It would be really easy for her to be like “O.k., my battles are done so I’m just going to relax now.” Yet, she’s out there consistently dishing out thoughts to feed our soul on the subject. It’s pretty great.
Check out a couple more of these Polyamory Reminders and see what kind of thoughts they invoke.
If you like what you see then please follow her at https://www.facebook.com/lavitalocasawyers/ . She has an amazing and powerful mind and I’m excited to see where her journey takes her.
